This week we talked about Family Crises and Stressors and the positive and negative effects they have depending how we respond to the circumstance. Let’s say you play basketball, if you don’t practice your skills you won’t do very well during a big game. That’s the same with family systems and crises. If you don’t practice what you know and the principals you want to keep hold to, you’ll have a harder time during the struggles thrown your way.
How we react and think about them can redefine the situation. It’s important to stay cemented in our gospel principals so we can always remember that Heavenly Father is there to help us. One thing we can do during a trail is read the scriptures. The scriptures have a way of helping us see the larger picture, and give us a different perspective through our difficulties. We recognize that there is a bigger plan for us. The fundamental unit of the church is the family and literally we are recreating and making it stronger or weaker. In all things we must strive to do our best because in doing so we are bringing up the kingdom of God.
We need to understand that the symbolic interactions we have in our family have a huge impact on each member. When the children in the family notice the unconditional sacrificing love that mom and dad have for each other, it’s often reassuring to them that things are well and being taken care of. In all things, even during our struggles we must have faith in God and put him first. It will bring our family closer together. These trials we’re given are meant to not only test us, but to bring us up stronger. After the end of any crises like a death in the family, financial problems, individual struggles, health problems or an injury, etc., we can look back and say I’m better from this, or I’m not.
Under stress we revert to things that are familiar, unless we have clearly practice something different we will end up doing what we have been exposed too and have seen. We are around our families and parents and look up to them. We will tend to create habits similar to them. I know I noticed that about myself especially when I moved to college and saw myself reacting to things in similar ways to my mom and dad.
We must interact with our family in such a way that we can work together effectively. Have an eternal perspective and know that being selfless and compassionate with make a trials easier. Inability to work together tears us apart as family subsets. But when wounds are created, remember that the atonement heals all things. It’s been said that time heals all wounds, but I disagree. I really believe that the atonement and forgiveness heals.
There are some negative ways to cope during crises; they are denial, avoidance, and scapegoat (blaming someone else). It’s easy to do these things, so we talked about positive foundations to cope with stress.
1. Take responsibility. It shows and creates a huge amount of maturity. Pointing fingers is one of Satan’s ploys to make us feel like we have no control. One example is if I only had more money we would be better off and have everything we need to be happy. By doing this, someone is blaming the fact that being better financially off would solve everything. Our families are the most precious and important things to us or they should be, and Satan’s tries to distract us from that truth.
2. Reframing: change the way you look at a situation. If you use your fingers to make a frame around a certain object, you’ll see a certain picture, but if you change the frame, let say the focus, angle, from vertical or horizontal, you’ll see a whole different picture. That’s what reframing does. As we adjust our thinking we will see things different than we did before if we keep an open mind.
3. Affirm your family’s worth. Struggles can bring a lot of negative vibes and make us feel worthless. You need to remember that everyone is truly loved and of worth. Satan knows that unkindness has the power to break families down 50 times faster than anything else.
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