This week we talked about divorce and dealing with step families. It's such a rough subject because of how sad and emotionally painful severing this relationship can be for not only the couple but the entire family. My personal belief on divorce when you married someone it was because you fell in love with them for certain reasons. Hopefully that relationship was based on finding more about this person through appropriate dating and coming to adore their personality and how that affects you as a person. Try to save that relationship and remember how you came to love them. Love has to do with selfless service to your spouse and constant hard work to care and foster that relationship. Many people believe that when two individuals in a marriage give an even 50% of themselves, it'll produce a sufficient 100% to get through life together. That may work, but a truly happy and blissful marriage consists of both husband and wife giving their all, a complete 100% from both, to have a strong relationship. That doesn't mean there will never be disagreements or problems that occur, it means that if we are giving 100% to our spouse and being self-less, committed, enduring, forgiving, loyal, understanding, loving etc., we will be able to work through those problems easier. With all this in mind, if a spouse is literally jeopardizing the health and safety of his or her family, then it's appropriate to separate, and I understand that. But if a couple is separating because they've decided they aren't in love anymore, that's a very selfish act that will undoubtedly hurt the entire family and do more damage. Any children in the family are direct victims in feeling extreme stress and disappointment as they endure through the painful divorce of their mom and dad. It's true that 70% of people who get a divorce say that they could've made it work, so how do we work to keep those bonds strong between our spouse. I believe open communication is a huge factor that will keep a couple close. Communicate love and affection to each other and be generous with expressing your love. Talk about problems, disagreements, feelings, be attentive to behaviors, and always actively listen and sincerely care about the words and feelings of your husband or wife. Cleave to your spouse and go to them for everything and continue to spend time to court each other. Marriage takes hard work, but you the whole family will benefit from it.
It's important for children to see their mom and dad in love and expressing it. It sets them up for success and proper up bringing as it aids their emotional growth and development.
All of us have a choice how we will respond to things that happen to us. We can choose to be happy or sad about our lives no matter the outcome. We can really have a beautiful life if we decide today to be positive about who we are and what we have and make the most out of what we've got.
I've learned so much in my Family Relations class and with all the knowledge that i've gained I feel like i'm more prepared to be a better wife and mother to my future spouse and children. My constant goal will be to live a beautiful life full of love, service, and laughter.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Parenting
This week in class we talked all about parenting. The idea and hope is to protect and prepare kids to survive and thrive in society. We talked about the four character traits that we need to establish in our kids.
Courage: going beyond risk to do the right thing. Respect: how we should treat a person. To elevate someone to a better and higher level. Responsibility: the ability to respond to opportunities and challenges. Developing wisdom and strength to carry through. Cooperation: effectively work together to accomplish a goal. These are essential values we hope to establish in children, but sometimes our approach on how to do that isn't always the most beneficial. But the most important thing to remember when teaching our children is to build a strong relationship with them. That will be the strongest most beneficial factor as they learn and grow.
Effective communication is so important when making strong relationships with our family and children. But that can also be one of the most difficult things to develop and takes time. We were required to watch some video from Active Parenting Publishers, which I recommend watching, and they talked about how we should communicate with others. Number one is listen. Pay attention to words, tone of voice, and nonverbal cues.
Second is to respond to feelings. When someone is talking to you, and they had a bad day, sympathize with them and what they're going through and the emotions they're feeling. Third is so check for understanding. Make sure you both are on the same page, and if there is a disagreement, do so in a calm manor.
There are three different styles of parenting, those are Autocratic, Permissive, and Active.
Permissive parents give their children too make freedom and no boundaries. This only creates unrealistic expectations for their children as they get a sense that they can get away with anything and have no limits.
Autocratic/Authoritarian parents are strict. They give little to no freedom to their children and have overly set boundaries. This does not help a child to develop the feeling they need of individualism and freedom they need as they grow into adults.
Active parents are engaged, loving, and are interested in their children's lives. They set limits and boundaries but allow their children to have the freedom they need within those boundaries to establish that sense of
individualism.
What's going to matter the most in the end is a relationship motivated by love and respect in a family.
Courage: going beyond risk to do the right thing. Respect: how we should treat a person. To elevate someone to a better and higher level. Responsibility: the ability to respond to opportunities and challenges. Developing wisdom and strength to carry through. Cooperation: effectively work together to accomplish a goal. These are essential values we hope to establish in children, but sometimes our approach on how to do that isn't always the most beneficial. But the most important thing to remember when teaching our children is to build a strong relationship with them. That will be the strongest most beneficial factor as they learn and grow.
Effective communication is so important when making strong relationships with our family and children. But that can also be one of the most difficult things to develop and takes time. We were required to watch some video from Active Parenting Publishers, which I recommend watching, and they talked about how we should communicate with others. Number one is listen. Pay attention to words, tone of voice, and nonverbal cues.
Second is to respond to feelings. When someone is talking to you, and they had a bad day, sympathize with them and what they're going through and the emotions they're feeling. Third is so check for understanding. Make sure you both are on the same page, and if there is a disagreement, do so in a calm manor.
There are three different styles of parenting, those are Autocratic, Permissive, and Active.
Permissive parents give their children too make freedom and no boundaries. This only creates unrealistic expectations for their children as they get a sense that they can get away with anything and have no limits.
Autocratic/Authoritarian parents are strict. They give little to no freedom to their children and have overly set boundaries. This does not help a child to develop the feeling they need of individualism and freedom they need as they grow into adults.
Active parents are engaged, loving, and are interested in their children's lives. They set limits and boundaries but allow their children to have the freedom they need within those boundaries to establish that sense of
individualism.
What's going to matter the most in the end is a relationship motivated by love and respect in a family.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Dealing with Family Struggles and Crises
This week we talked about Family Crises and Stressors and the positive and negative effects they have depending how we respond to the circumstance. Let’s say you play basketball, if you don’t practice your skills you won’t do very well during a big game. That’s the same with family systems and crises. If you don’t practice what you know and the principals you want to keep hold to, you’ll have a harder time during the struggles thrown your way.
How we react and think about them can redefine the situation. It’s important to stay cemented in our gospel principals so we can always remember that Heavenly Father is there to help us. One thing we can do during a trail is read the scriptures. The scriptures have a way of helping us see the larger picture, and give us a different perspective through our difficulties. We recognize that there is a bigger plan for us. The fundamental unit of the church is the family and literally we are recreating and making it stronger or weaker. In all things we must strive to do our best because in doing so we are bringing up the kingdom of God.
We need to understand that the symbolic interactions we have in our family have a huge impact on each member. When the children in the family notice the unconditional sacrificing love that mom and dad have for each other, it’s often reassuring to them that things are well and being taken care of. In all things, even during our struggles we must have faith in God and put him first. It will bring our family closer together. These trials we’re given are meant to not only test us, but to bring us up stronger. After the end of any crises like a death in the family, financial problems, individual struggles, health problems or an injury, etc., we can look back and say I’m better from this, or I’m not.
Under stress we revert to things that are familiar, unless we have clearly practice something different we will end up doing what we have been exposed too and have seen. We are around our families and parents and look up to them. We will tend to create habits similar to them. I know I noticed that about myself especially when I moved to college and saw myself reacting to things in similar ways to my mom and dad.
We must interact with our family in such a way that we can work together effectively. Have an eternal perspective and know that being selfless and compassionate with make a trials easier. Inability to work together tears us apart as family subsets. But when wounds are created, remember that the atonement heals all things. It’s been said that time heals all wounds, but I disagree. I really believe that the atonement and forgiveness heals.
There are some negative ways to cope during crises; they are denial, avoidance, and scapegoat (blaming someone else). It’s easy to do these things, so we talked about positive foundations to cope with stress.
1. Take responsibility. It shows and creates a huge amount of maturity. Pointing fingers is one of Satan’s ploys to make us feel like we have no control. One example is if I only had more money we would be better off and have everything we need to be happy. By doing this, someone is blaming the fact that being better financially off would solve everything. Our families are the most precious and important things to us or they should be, and Satan’s tries to distract us from that truth.
2. Reframing: change the way you look at a situation. If you use your fingers to make a frame around a certain object, you’ll see a certain picture, but if you change the frame, let say the focus, angle, from vertical or horizontal, you’ll see a whole different picture. That’s what reframing does. As we adjust our thinking we will see things different than we did before if we keep an open mind.
3. Affirm your family’s worth. Struggles can bring a lot of negative vibes and make us feel worthless. You need to remember that everyone is truly loved and of worth. Satan knows that unkindness has the power to break families down 50 times faster than anything else.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Divorce Proofing our Marriage
Divorce is increasingly common in society today, so how do we divorce proof our marriages? One big reason why marriages end in divorce is because of affairs. It says in the scriptures that we are to cleave to our spouse, and for everything we go to our husband or wife for things like mental, emotional, and physical support.
It’s easy when we have an argument or get frustrated with our spouse to think “I wish she/he was more like…” and you can insert any change in personality or compare to any friend you know. It is important to have a distant interaction with other outside friends or family members to an extent. Even our same gender friends we need to keep distance from. In general, we share close and important information to our friends and family, but that changes when we get married. Our spouse is the one who we share those special and personal feelings. When we share those private feelings you grow closer with that person. Marriage is a sacred and special subset that our focus needs to be centered on in every way mentally, emotionally, spiritual, etc.
Anything can be a threat to a couple’s marriage. For example, friends (of both genders), family, the media like movies and tv shows, social networks like facebook, and books even. Believe it or not Twilight has caused more damaged to LDS marriages that could be first imagined. Any woman who has read the series would agree with me that Meyer has a way of writing to draw you into the story especially how she describes the main male character, Edward. Not only has he become an obsession for many young teenage girls, but also married women. They end up clinging to a non-fictional character wondering why their husband can’t have the qualities of this unrealistic character. It creates an impractical image of what the “perfect” guy should be like and thus has the same resulting effect that porn has. We start believing this impossible imagine when that’s not how things really are. It’s just as damaging as an actual emotional or sexual affair with a tangible person. It goes to show how careful we must be in holding strong to the boundaries we set to the faithfulness of our spouse.
Another important thing is to not complain to other people about any struggles happening between you and your spouse. It is in wrong context to do so and nothing good will come out of it. If you need help contact the proper authority like a bishop or counselor that can help mend things.
Borrowing money and continuing to live with mom and dad after marriage can create a huge problem for a married couple. That money comes with a price and means you are still dependent on your parents which don’t help with the essential process of becoming your own separate subset as husband and wife. It’s ok to accept it as a gift at times, but not as constant support.
I’ve been encouraged to be wise about choosing someone who I marry. I was curious what that meant. For all I knew that could mean don’t marry a garbage man, but the whole meaning of choose wisely is making a lot of sense to me. Brother Williams talked a lot about going into a marriage wisely, and I think finding a good marriage partner is one who is willing to set strong boundaries with you and being completely faithful in body and mind. One who has a healthy realization of Satan’s temptations and follows the standards, covenants, and promises that’s set to keep the couple safe. Someone who you know loves you and is willing to work with you through any of life’s situation. A person who will follow the prophets and put God first and understands that doing so will bring each other together. Being able to acknowledge and accept each other weaknesses but recognize strengths and shows humility about abilities and talents. One who accepts differences between the two, but also celebrates the similarities. Someone that will work with you and is willing to patiently negotiate and problem solve through hard and difficult situations together. Living and no matter what loving the journey together.
That’s what compatibility is all about. One thing I’ve always been afraid about is marrying someone who won’t be willing to do these things. Compassion, sympathy, patience, those are all important Christ like attributes that both husband and wife need to extend to one another. I’m really grateful that I’ve been able to gain this understanding and that the Lord would help me see this.
When problems occur in a marriage because of infidelity and divorce seems evident, it’s important to remember that the atonement of Jesus Christ has the power to heal all things. It won’t be easy, but it’s completely possible and worth it. Anything regarding an affair, emotional or sexual has an intense effect on everyone involved, and has a bad mental affect on especially the person who committed the affair, but because of Christ, all things can be healed. His atonement is enough to fix any problem. One interesting fact is that our brains are constantly forming new brains cells. After ninety days none of our original brain cells are alive because they have all been replaced with new ones. We can literally change our mind and refigure it based on our actions and behaviors. They say that affairs, pornography, etc. has a lasting effect on the brain, but I thoroughly believe the atonement can fix those things too. Not only does the atonement heal us, but we are always growing and changing.
Define what fidelity means to you and your spouse, fiancé, or who you’re dating. Clarify those rules and boundaries to stay far away from the real possibilities of infidelity. For me, I plan on making strict rules so I don’t even touch those boundaries. That I stay faithful both in body and mind to my husband. Remember it’s important to decide not only what those boundaries will be, but how you will implement them.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Advice for All Marraige Relationships
A study was done determining that the average American couple having difficulties in marriage had on average 10 areas of significant incompatibility. It was also determined that couples reporting a higher level of satisfaction in their relationship had on average 10 areas of significant incompatibility. Take a second look at that and see what it's saying. Marriage is not about finding your soul mate, someone who matches you completely and is like you perfectly in every way. It's about making it work. Problem solving together, being sensitive, understanding, hard working, compassionate, faithful, etc.
Tasks and challenges can come with even early on from the newly wed stage. It's important to set up a foundation establishing rules and expectations between the both of you. Remember that time is very valuable, and it's not just yours, it's also your spouses time you're dealing with. Establish yourselves and create a picket fence around your marriage. One where there is room and space for other family help and influence, but that there is that boundary.
Determine how the both of you will deal with disagreements. In most common situations in a conflict both people are trying to get their way. Find ways to negotiate calmly and understand each other points of view. Remember that a problem or conflict is never worth risking an eternal temple marriage. President Monson said “Never let a problem to be solved, become more important than a person to be loved.” Go over how your parents solved conflicts and consider what you will do the same or change. It can be difficult having a difference of opinion, but try to clarify each others feelings. Try considering why they think the way they do and try understanding what their feelings and reasoning is. This person you love so much must have a reason, be attentive to that. Couples will always have big decisions to make together, like what family events to attend, financial, future planning, goals, etc. Sometimes life's decisions will be slow and natural, and other will be big and unexpected. Consider who will perform what role under what circumstance. Of course we can't plan for everything because life is so unexpected at times, but we can try to prepare ourselves for anything and at least be willing to stick together through anything. The relevance with planning our patterns beforehand together sets us up for greater success.
What happens when roles and tasks are not met? You might start weighing your spouse's character and judging the person you married suddenly thinking how you must have married an uncaring and unfair individual. You might wonder if the marriage is even worth dealing with. We need to show more empathy for the other person and maybe aren't doing the best job expressing it. Use skills like clarifying what they are saying, validate and step inside his or her shoes. Take sometime to stop yourself and look at their point of view and understand what they are saying. Practice reflective listening.
When we get angry we go into a mammal like state. The reasoning in our frontal cortex is literally turned off. Another interesting thing is no matter what, our brains will automatically believe that whatever we think, whether it's technically right or not. Which can cause some real conflicts when we disagree. First step is to take a deep breath, that will really help bring back your brain and reasoning instead of instinct when we get angry and defensive. Think about how much you love your spouse and consider the difference of opinion that they have is just as valid as your own. Value the fact that they are a different person than you. When we choose to think before we get upset or getting offended, we are allowing our spirit to make decisions. Don't allow yourself to be put in mammalian mode like an angry dog.
When we have suggestions for each other, or something we believe our spouse should do differently, or recognize a problem they have, how do we lovingly criticize and righteously admonish each other? We need to do it with the Holy Ghost. When giving the suggestion or advice, give it kindly not harshly with crude tones and demeaning words. Be Christ like and say it with care and concern. When receiving such information, don't be offended about what you hear. That's what Satan would have you feel. Be understanding that your spouse loves you and is making suggestions to try to help you be a better person. Husband and wife are suppose to work as a team anyway.
The Lord shows us in the scriptures how to problem solve together. The words in parenthesis are the definition of the before to better clarify and bring more understanding.
D&C 121:43 "Reproving betimes (in the correct season) with sharpness (with precision), when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love towards him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy."
This is saying in the correct time, make precise admonitions to your spouse when moved by the Holy Ghost, but then show an increase of confirming love afterwards.
An example of this could be you're annoyed because your husband or wife leaves a trails of dirty socks on the floor and you're sick of it. Instead of saying something demeaning like how sick and tired you are of them and what a big slob they are, communicate to the other your feelings in a loving, caring way. Tell them what is bothering you and ask them if they would work on it. After bringing this up with your spouse, make sure to follow up with how much you love and appreciate them even still. Marriage is about working together and making sacrifices for each other.It's a perfect opportunity to become more like our Savior, and a marriage is stronger when we pattern our lives after him.
In the same chapter of D&C verse 44. is says "That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death."
We wonder when things aren't going well if our partner is falling out of love with us. We wonder if they are really devoted or not. By following scripture 43, we will have a stronger relationship and will avoid this feeling of desertion from our spouse. Our faithfulness will become certain to each other and the bond will become stronger than death.
These scriptures are beautiful guides to a successful relationship if we follow them. It prepares us so we don't end up thinking that we are angry at our spouse because they are "a selfish jerk" who won't pick up their dirty socks. More it helps us think how we can solves these things together.
In the bible in Ephesians 4:26 is says "Be ye angry, and sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath." JST translations for the beginning: "Can you be angry and NOT sin."
29. "Let no corrupt communication proceed our of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."
What is grace? It means to give more than is earned, giving one hundred and ten percent to each other and assuming the best of our spouse.
Consider this, the Holy Spirit of promise seals us in the temple. Do we really want to drive him away through our anger, conflict, and arguments between each other?
"And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemtion. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor and evil speaking be put away with you.."
Ephesians 6:12 "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."
The battles we face are not against each other, not against husband and wife, brother or sister, etc. It us against Satan who has a highly organized effort to pull us apart as married couples and families. He goal is to ruin the basic fundamentals of the church, and families, and the eternities. By being united we are able to fight the adversary together, and being in a strong righteous family is the best way to put on the armor of God. Submit to the Lord, stay close to him, and everything will work out.
Tasks and challenges can come with even early on from the newly wed stage. It's important to set up a foundation establishing rules and expectations between the both of you. Remember that time is very valuable, and it's not just yours, it's also your spouses time you're dealing with. Establish yourselves and create a picket fence around your marriage. One where there is room and space for other family help and influence, but that there is that boundary.
Determine how the both of you will deal with disagreements. In most common situations in a conflict both people are trying to get their way. Find ways to negotiate calmly and understand each other points of view. Remember that a problem or conflict is never worth risking an eternal temple marriage. President Monson said “Never let a problem to be solved, become more important than a person to be loved.” Go over how your parents solved conflicts and consider what you will do the same or change. It can be difficult having a difference of opinion, but try to clarify each others feelings. Try considering why they think the way they do and try understanding what their feelings and reasoning is. This person you love so much must have a reason, be attentive to that. Couples will always have big decisions to make together, like what family events to attend, financial, future planning, goals, etc. Sometimes life's decisions will be slow and natural, and other will be big and unexpected. Consider who will perform what role under what circumstance. Of course we can't plan for everything because life is so unexpected at times, but we can try to prepare ourselves for anything and at least be willing to stick together through anything. The relevance with planning our patterns beforehand together sets us up for greater success.
What happens when roles and tasks are not met? You might start weighing your spouse's character and judging the person you married suddenly thinking how you must have married an uncaring and unfair individual. You might wonder if the marriage is even worth dealing with. We need to show more empathy for the other person and maybe aren't doing the best job expressing it. Use skills like clarifying what they are saying, validate and step inside his or her shoes. Take sometime to stop yourself and look at their point of view and understand what they are saying. Practice reflective listening.
When we get angry we go into a mammal like state. The reasoning in our frontal cortex is literally turned off. Another interesting thing is no matter what, our brains will automatically believe that whatever we think, whether it's technically right or not. Which can cause some real conflicts when we disagree. First step is to take a deep breath, that will really help bring back your brain and reasoning instead of instinct when we get angry and defensive. Think about how much you love your spouse and consider the difference of opinion that they have is just as valid as your own. Value the fact that they are a different person than you. When we choose to think before we get upset or getting offended, we are allowing our spirit to make decisions. Don't allow yourself to be put in mammalian mode like an angry dog.
When we have suggestions for each other, or something we believe our spouse should do differently, or recognize a problem they have, how do we lovingly criticize and righteously admonish each other? We need to do it with the Holy Ghost. When giving the suggestion or advice, give it kindly not harshly with crude tones and demeaning words. Be Christ like and say it with care and concern. When receiving such information, don't be offended about what you hear. That's what Satan would have you feel. Be understanding that your spouse loves you and is making suggestions to try to help you be a better person. Husband and wife are suppose to work as a team anyway.
The Lord shows us in the scriptures how to problem solve together. The words in parenthesis are the definition of the before to better clarify and bring more understanding.
D&C 121:43 "Reproving betimes (in the correct season) with sharpness (with precision), when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love towards him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy."
This is saying in the correct time, make precise admonitions to your spouse when moved by the Holy Ghost, but then show an increase of confirming love afterwards.
An example of this could be you're annoyed because your husband or wife leaves a trails of dirty socks on the floor and you're sick of it. Instead of saying something demeaning like how sick and tired you are of them and what a big slob they are, communicate to the other your feelings in a loving, caring way. Tell them what is bothering you and ask them if they would work on it. After bringing this up with your spouse, make sure to follow up with how much you love and appreciate them even still. Marriage is about working together and making sacrifices for each other.It's a perfect opportunity to become more like our Savior, and a marriage is stronger when we pattern our lives after him.
In the same chapter of D&C verse 44. is says "That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death."
We wonder when things aren't going well if our partner is falling out of love with us. We wonder if they are really devoted or not. By following scripture 43, we will have a stronger relationship and will avoid this feeling of desertion from our spouse. Our faithfulness will become certain to each other and the bond will become stronger than death.
These scriptures are beautiful guides to a successful relationship if we follow them. It prepares us so we don't end up thinking that we are angry at our spouse because they are "a selfish jerk" who won't pick up their dirty socks. More it helps us think how we can solves these things together.
In the bible in Ephesians 4:26 is says "Be ye angry, and sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath." JST translations for the beginning: "Can you be angry and NOT sin."
29. "Let no corrupt communication proceed our of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."
What is grace? It means to give more than is earned, giving one hundred and ten percent to each other and assuming the best of our spouse.
Consider this, the Holy Spirit of promise seals us in the temple. Do we really want to drive him away through our anger, conflict, and arguments between each other?
"And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemtion. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor and evil speaking be put away with you.."
Ephesians 6:12 "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."
The battles we face are not against each other, not against husband and wife, brother or sister, etc. It us against Satan who has a highly organized effort to pull us apart as married couples and families. He goal is to ruin the basic fundamentals of the church, and families, and the eternities. By being united we are able to fight the adversary together, and being in a strong righteous family is the best way to put on the armor of God. Submit to the Lord, stay close to him, and everything will work out.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Making the Wedding Day Count
How do we make the wedding day launch the couple on a good start to their new life? There are a couple things we talked about in class and certain components that add to a successful marriage after the ceremony. Let's start from the beginning with asking a question, is the proposal important? Is it just a custom we perform that's mindlessly apart of this process? A proper proposal sets the tone for what you're about to go into. A proposal is a question presented in a way of respect for each other and the life changing direction you're going into together. When the guy proposes, he is essentially laying everything out on the table for them. Marriage is a real sacrifice, so it's very respectful to do a proper proposal. Parts are very important. As romantic as it can be, it's also like suggesting a contract proposing everything that's there to offer. A very important factor is did he ask dad for her hand in marriage? That's shows a huge about of responsibility on his part and respect for the family.
So what makes a great wedding? In a nutshell the most important thing is making sure you are prepared mentally, spiritually, emotionally for this next step. Being there with close family and friends will make it the most special. Don't get caught up in "the perfect wedding", just enjoy the moment with those you love. It's important not to get too caught up in the colors, dress, how your hair is done etc. Don't get so caught up that you don't focus on the most important part, the covenants you make through this process of exaltation.
When making invitations, don't do it through facebook! If you want to gather contact info from friends and family that's ok, but it's very unprofessional to create an invite facebook page.
An average American wedding comes down to $21 grand. The money comes from credit cards mostly from her parents, although at times the couple does finance it as well. Marriage starting in debt starts in stress. If your dress is so expensive, ring is a fortune, reassess where you're focus is. You're wedding day is a wonderful day as it's suppose to be, but it's only a day. Marriage lasts forever. One tip, try simple, elegant, and look for deals.
One problem is there is almost a bigger emphases on the reception than the actual sealing. Technically the reception is suppose to be about the community receiving you and your spouse as a new couple into society. It's been redefined as the biggest party you can throw for everyone invited. We talked about the reception line. It's a very formal custom, and Brother Williams said that we can do away with it all together. Most the time the people standing in line to meet and greet get tired and annoyed with standing their for so much of the reception, and the people invited enjoy being able to socialize at their own pace. Most people in general really don't like the reception line.
What should the involvement of the family be to the couple after the wedding? Boundaries need to be set enough so the new couple can be left to establish themselves.
Remember also when making all these plans for your wedding to plan them together, or make sure your spouse is good with everything. Make sure to talk and communicate about ideas and preferences, it's just as much your wedding as it is theirs.
So what makes a great wedding? In a nutshell the most important thing is making sure you are prepared mentally, spiritually, emotionally for this next step. Being there with close family and friends will make it the most special. Don't get caught up in "the perfect wedding", just enjoy the moment with those you love. It's important not to get too caught up in the colors, dress, how your hair is done etc. Don't get so caught up that you don't focus on the most important part, the covenants you make through this process of exaltation.
When making invitations, don't do it through facebook! If you want to gather contact info from friends and family that's ok, but it's very unprofessional to create an invite facebook page.
An average American wedding comes down to $21 grand. The money comes from credit cards mostly from her parents, although at times the couple does finance it as well. Marriage starting in debt starts in stress. If your dress is so expensive, ring is a fortune, reassess where you're focus is. You're wedding day is a wonderful day as it's suppose to be, but it's only a day. Marriage lasts forever. One tip, try simple, elegant, and look for deals.
One problem is there is almost a bigger emphases on the reception than the actual sealing. Technically the reception is suppose to be about the community receiving you and your spouse as a new couple into society. It's been redefined as the biggest party you can throw for everyone invited. We talked about the reception line. It's a very formal custom, and Brother Williams said that we can do away with it all together. Most the time the people standing in line to meet and greet get tired and annoyed with standing their for so much of the reception, and the people invited enjoy being able to socialize at their own pace. Most people in general really don't like the reception line.
What should the involvement of the family be to the couple after the wedding? Boundaries need to be set enough so the new couple can be left to establish themselves.
Remember also when making all these plans for your wedding to plan them together, or make sure your spouse is good with everything. Make sure to talk and communicate about ideas and preferences, it's just as much your wedding as it is theirs.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Prep for Marriage
I've learned a lot of great things this week that will help with marriage relationships and prep for that huge step. One thing we discussed is how important dating is. Not hanging out, or hooking up, but real dating. It's an opportunity to find out more about a person and how will they will be able to perform the tasks of marriage. We reviewed dating to be defined as planned for, paid for, and paired off. But why is dating so important for marital success? What does it tell about a person? It says a lot about a guy in particular and here's why. It is believed in our religion that three main male responsibilities are to provide, preside, and protect. Look at the connection between these the definition of dating and marital responsibilities of men. While dating if he is doing these things, he is preparing himself for a better successful marriage. Provide connects to paid for, protect connects to paired off, and preside connects to planned for. The guys are in charge of paying for the activities during dating and earning money for his family. If he is protecting his date while they are together not only from outside influences but also from himself during the date, you know he will be a good defender for a future family, and if he has thought ahead and planned the date well in advance, he is more likely to preside over events and important activities that go on in the home and will be active in the execution. Our qualities should nurture each others righteous roles.
Continued courting is also essential after marriage. Couples who don't do that are basically sharing meals, completing everyday tasks, and helping each other with schooling or kids. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's so important to spend time together. Not only does doing activities help you stay closer but it adds more quality to the relationship. Work hard together and play hard together.
The way a relationship starts and develops from the very beginning sets the couple up for success or problems in the future, how we do or did date correctly plays a major role and it seems society has redefined the meaning of dating just like the word marriage. While dating we are able to see a person from difference angles and notice red flags or positive signs. When attaching to someone it's important to go over similarities of beliefs, values, likes, dislikes, plans, preferences for the future to limit problems etc. Make sure you both have a similar game plan. When we have more shared between someone, we have more in which to connect with. The more you share expectations, culture, values, etc. we learn to accommodate one another.
Remember to consider your family support as well in the relationship. Friends and family who generally are happy and approve of a union will help strengthen the couple.
We discussed a lot about why cohabitation is a bad precursor to marriage. It's pretty much being roommates with benefits, a trial that indicates laziness to committed to one another in making tough decisions. Many people use it as an alternative to "test the waters" and see if it will work, but they are setting themselves up for failure. People who cohabit are five times more likely to separate because they are me-oriented and are not prepping themselves in the right way for marriage. You live an individual life by cohabiting that won't get you in the mindset of working as a team through easy and hard times. The mindset of cohabiting is if things get hard, then i'm going to leave. It's not a realistic union for the future becasue marriage is and living with another person is all about working together through problems, differences, and difficulties. Anything that life throws out.
When making the choice to be married it is up to the couple and Heavenly Father. There isn't a right time, there is only the best time. Some put a reasonable time limit to how long it's safe to date before getting engaged. There's is no magic number, only the most appropriate time for the couple under God's direction.
We talked about how there will be road blocks along the way during not only dating but in marriage. Satan will try in every way to pull a marriage apart even after the sealing. Sometimes through contention, challenges, or difficulties. Choose your mate wisely so you both may know how to combat him and stay close to each other.
Continued courting is also essential after marriage. Couples who don't do that are basically sharing meals, completing everyday tasks, and helping each other with schooling or kids. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's so important to spend time together. Not only does doing activities help you stay closer but it adds more quality to the relationship. Work hard together and play hard together.
The way a relationship starts and develops from the very beginning sets the couple up for success or problems in the future, how we do or did date correctly plays a major role and it seems society has redefined the meaning of dating just like the word marriage. While dating we are able to see a person from difference angles and notice red flags or positive signs. When attaching to someone it's important to go over similarities of beliefs, values, likes, dislikes, plans, preferences for the future to limit problems etc. Make sure you both have a similar game plan. When we have more shared between someone, we have more in which to connect with. The more you share expectations, culture, values, etc. we learn to accommodate one another.
Remember to consider your family support as well in the relationship. Friends and family who generally are happy and approve of a union will help strengthen the couple.
We discussed a lot about why cohabitation is a bad precursor to marriage. It's pretty much being roommates with benefits, a trial that indicates laziness to committed to one another in making tough decisions. Many people use it as an alternative to "test the waters" and see if it will work, but they are setting themselves up for failure. People who cohabit are five times more likely to separate because they are me-oriented and are not prepping themselves in the right way for marriage. You live an individual life by cohabiting that won't get you in the mindset of working as a team through easy and hard times. The mindset of cohabiting is if things get hard, then i'm going to leave. It's not a realistic union for the future becasue marriage is and living with another person is all about working together through problems, differences, and difficulties. Anything that life throws out.
When making the choice to be married it is up to the couple and Heavenly Father. There isn't a right time, there is only the best time. Some put a reasonable time limit to how long it's safe to date before getting engaged. There's is no magic number, only the most appropriate time for the couple under God's direction.
We talked about how there will be road blocks along the way during not only dating but in marriage. Satan will try in every way to pull a marriage apart even after the sealing. Sometimes through contention, challenges, or difficulties. Choose your mate wisely so you both may know how to combat him and stay close to each other.
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